If your dog can sleep in a shoebox, IT IS NOT A DOG.

I could be biased, I'm aware of it. But if YOU had once been bitten on the chin by a chihuahua (and still bear the scars ON YOUR FACE after fifteen years), if YOU had once seen a small white canine terror run the length of a fairly large lobby expressly to bite your friend's leg, if YOU lived in a neighborhood with dogs and THEIR SHIT all over the street, you might also have a thing against certain dogs.

I like dogs, in general. They're sweet, man's best friend and all that. They serve their purpose. But it's SMALL dogs that deserve to be drowned. They're all mean. You always see chihuahuas shivering, which is commonly thought to be because they're cold. They are, in fact, trembling with unexpressed hatred, and are always plotting who they're going to bite or bark at incessantly next. Have you ever met a mild-mannered Pomeranian? Probably not, because yeah, they're mean too.

If your dog would lose a fight with a cat, IT'S NOT A DOG. It's just a tiny mammal with canine features. At least call it a "doggie"; at least that's a diminutive (and also vaguely insulting) form. If little old me can easily stomp your dog to death, IT'S NOT A DOG. And for crying out loud DON'T PUT CLOTHES ON THEM. It's only too clear that you're compensating your need for a child by putting a dress on something small and furry. Just go get knocked up already.

And for fuck's sake PICK UP THE DAMN THING'S CRAP.